M is for Mourning

I'm behind on posts. I was going to post Monday afternoon and then the world went crazy again. So I will try to catch up as best as I can.

It's a sad topic: mourning. But I believe that's what we're all doing lately. It hurts to think that someone has so much hate and discontent inside themselves that the only way they can release it is by hurting innocent people. I think it goes without saying that someone who could do this is sick.

Oh, he's a sick man. Frustrated and sick. Sick in his mind, sick in his soul, if he has one. Hates everybody that has anything that he can't have. Hates us mostly, I guess. -- Peter Bailey, It's A Wonderful Life

I keep thinking of that line. But more than concentrate on the perpetrator of this horrific act, I choose to concentrate on the goodness. There are truly good people in this world. And the good people far outnumber the evil-doers.

Patton Oswalt put it beautifully here.

Hold your loved ones close. Tell people how much you love them. We were all given another day. Let's not waste it.

Blessings to you all.

L is for Love (Long-distance style)

Last year's "L" post was about Love, and while I didn't want to repeat topics, I figured this one was big enough to handle it. :)

I have always enjoyed hearing people's love stories. I think it's mostly my natural curiosity about people, but also I never had one of my own to tell. Ever. Then last year that changed in a way I couldn't ever have imagined. Oh, I had thought about meeting someone and falling in love, but the way mine happened wasn't exactly how I thought it would.

I met my beloved on a website that wasn't technically a dating site. The members had profiles and the ability to message each other and I had talked to other members from time to time. It got to the point where I thought this might be a better alternative to traditional dating sites, and I figured "what the hell?" Then one day my sweetie's first message to me popped up. I always looked at the person who messaged me's profile for curiosity's sake and to be sure that we had enough in common or that our interests meshed enough. I noticed J's (I will identify him by his initial) profile said he was from Ireland. And I thought to myself, "Well, that's cool and he'll be interesting to chat to for a bit, but like THIS will go anywhere." So we started chatting and he was funny and charming and interesting and we talked for quite a while. Then we talked again the next day and the next and the next and soon we were both going on the website to "look" for each other. I had no expectations of anything as I was still in the mindset of "We're just chatting and being friendly." After a few weeks of the website chat we started emailing back and forth throughout the day and then texting via phone. and then he called me for the first time a few weeks after that. And with the exception of a few days here and there we have spoken on the phone every single day since.

I still get overwhelmed thinking how this wonderful, beautiful (inside and out) man loves me. We have gotten to meet once in person when I went to Ireland for 10 days to see him. They were some of the most wonderful days I've ever had. Things were comfortable between us. Relaxed. And paradoxically exciting at the same time. Just looking at him gave me butterflies (still does).

This distance isn't easy, but every time I despair about not being with him I tell myself that this is worth it. This connection we have made and the love we share is worth waiting for however long it takes to be together again.

K is for Kindness

Kindness. It seems a fairly simple word. And it seems a fairly easy concept. I think it can be, but we often allow our filter of the world and our view of how things "should" be interfere, that we don't often leave room for kindness. The thing is, kindness is so desperately needed and so very lacking in today's world.

There's an interesting phenomena that's taken place with the increase in our use of computers and the internet. One can say just about anything and remain anonymous, which seems to give some people license to be especially cruel and hateful with what they say. Take this for example. What was a wonderful, fun moment for this couple turned into people thinking it was okay to spew meanness. Over 1) people they didn't know and 2) over something that is inconsequential and 3) is none of their business.

Or you hear more and more stories of bullying. Of people being cruel to others because of their sexual orientation, physical limitations, looks, developmental ability...the list could go on and on. It reminds me of this:

So where did it all go wrong? When did we stop imparting basic human kindness to others? When did we decide it was okay to say horrible things to another person either online or in person?

With the anniversary of Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers or Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood) birthday recently, there were a lot of articles about him and his limitless (or so it seemed) kindness for every single person he met. I think about that a lot and one of the things I aspire to is to not just be like Fred Rogers, but to be the person Mr. Rogers thought I could be. And that starts with being kind as much and as deeply as I possibly can with everyone. It's not easy some days as some people are less than lovable, but that doesn't give me permission to be mean either.

Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle.

J is for Jumping (to conclusions)

I tend to do that a lot. Jump to conclusions, or what a therapist called "awful-izing". In the absence of answers (and I'm one who needs to know ALL THE THINGS), I tend to jump to the worst conclusion from the facts at hand.

Example: My boyfriend is having a bad day. Like many men who have bad days he retreats and withdraws. My first instinct is to jump to the conclusion that because he's not being talkative that it is because of something I've said. Or not said. Or done. Or not done. And from there it spirals and the next thing you know, in my mind he's ready to call it quits. (I know, I know...but sometimes my "crazygirl" takes over.)

There are MANY things that are "wrong" with my approach. 1) I have no evidence it was anything I said or did. 2) He hasn't told me it was anything I said or did. 3) NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ME. 4) I'm being quite selfish. Instead of concentrating on him and his needs, it sounds like a rehearsal for the flippin' opera over on my end. "ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!! Let's talk some more about ME! Enough about YOU how 'bout ME?"

Thankfully I have good support and friends around me who can whap me upside the head with the truth about how I'm acting (or over-reacting). And on my good days I can talk myself through it and know that instead of relaxing about things, I'm letting my insecurities win.

So today, I choose to believe all is well, and I have no reason to NOT believe this. Instead of making up stories in the absence of answers, I choose to accept and know that all is well, and all is well and all manner of thing shall be well.

I is for Imagination

Everything that has ever been created was imagined first.

Think about that. Everything starts out as a thought, an imagining, if you will. Someone at some point looked at a situation or problem and thought about a way to make it better or solve the problem. Then they imagined the solution and from that imagining, it became a reality.

Imagination is Powerful (yup, capital P powerful). Imagining the things we want helps us solidify the steps we need to take to make them reality. There's the rub. It can't stop at imagining. The imagining has to lead us to the steps. But before we can take the steps, we need to think of what it is we want. Life doesn't just happen to us. We participate in it. So why not let your imagination run wild? Allow yourself to be immersed in your wildest fantasy. And for heaven's sake please don't put limits on your imaginings. Don't qualify it. Don't second-guess it. Don't you let me hear you utter one single "Yeah, but..." This is yours alone. No one else needs to know about it. You don't have to be embarrassed by it. Give yourself the luxury of imagining your future as perfect as you can make it.

Now you can take some concrete steps toward it. Will it turn out exactly as you imagined? Perhaps. Perhaps not. No matter. It's the journey that matters. It's the doing that will end our stasis. And as long as you're pointing in the right direction, all you have to do is keep going. The imagining will point you in the right direction.

If you feel comfortable, I would love to hear some of your imaginings about what you want.

H is for Hugs

I love hugs. I love giving hugs and I love receiving hugs. To me, hugs are wonderfully comforting and uplifting at the same time. I have never gone away from a hug feeling worse than before the hug.

I've always believed in the power of touch to help people feel better. Studies have shown stress and blood pressure can be lowered with a soothing touch. My boyfriend and I were discussing this the other day. During my highest times of stress is when I benefit the most from a hug. However, I've never been good at asking for a hug. I can ask for help in other ways, but for some reason it seems awkward to me to ask for a hug.

Unfortunately, the person I know I would never have to worry about asking for a hug because he's so willing to give them to me is 4400 miles away. :( So maybe that can be one of my challenges this year. Asking for hugs from people I know are willing to give them who are around me.

So hug a friend or loved one today. Both parties will benefit and it just feels darn good!

G is for Gratitude

My life took a drastic turn when I first heard of the idea of a Gratitude Journal and then put the idea into practice. A Gratitude Journal is simply that: a journal one writes in daily listing (usually) at least five things one is grateful for that day.

The things you list can be profound (health, love, family) or trivial (great parking spot at the store, an uncrowded bus on your commute to work, no bruises on the apple you brought for a snack). The point is that there are truly many things to be grateful for even in your worst of days. For example, every one of you reading this woke up this morning. Many people around the world didn't. You are able to read this post. Many people around the world can't read the most basic of words.

Once I started counting my blessings by keeping a Gratitude Journal, I realized how very fortunate I really am. It's humbling and uplifting all at the same time to come to that realization. I may not be rich. I may not be known by a lot of people. I don't have a glamorous career. But I have my health. I have a body that works and moves it as I will it to. I can see the beauty of nature. I can hear my loved one's voices. I can speak with kind words of love to those around me. And I am here. I have been given another day and the chance to make a difference in my life and hopefully in other's lives as well.

Give gratitude journaling a try for a week. I think you might find it just as moving and impactful as I have.