I have been having a difficult time lately. Not that every day apart from the person you love isn't difficult. But since this past weekend I've been having a particularly difficult time staying positive. It's been almost eight months since I saw J. I never thought we'd have to wait so long to see each other again. The insecure part of me (the crazy girl who crawls up from the basement from time to time) tries to make me believe that he doesn't want to see me. And then I have people who, bless them, frequently ask "So when are you going to see each other again?" I know they just want to see me happy and that they want to see the rest of the love story that has started. But as soon as I tell them that no plans have been made, they give me that look. And then the "Why?" question follows. I tell them why, but they always follow up with "solutions" for me on how to make things happen sooner.
But here's the thing. This is MY story. Just because I'm not handling it the way they would, and just because I'm not doing the thing they think will get me and J together again, doesn't mean what I'm doing is wrong. It's my journey and if and when the time becomes right to take a step, then I will do it or take it. And just because things aren't happening as soon as they'd like or as soon as I'd like doesn't mean things aren't happening. And their "advice" isn't helping.
I don't know what the answer is. All I know is that the answer has to be the right one for me. For both of us. And I have to keep sticking to what I do know. That I love J very much. That I want to make a life with him. That when and if the time comes to make the next step, I will be ready.