A is for Alone

Alone is how I'm feeling right now. That could be because I've spent most of the day by myself in my house. I ventured outside briefly for a walk to try to clear my head.

I'm in a committed relationship with a man I love so much, it doesn't seem possible. I never knew I could love someone this much who wasn't related to me by blood.

So why this feeling of alone? I'm sure part of it is the distance between us. He in Ireland and I in Colorado. There is a seven-hour time difference between us which makes timing an issue in our communication. Acutely so. We don't get to share those small moments in our lives that some couples take for granted--perhaps even find boring. We can't sit across the dinner table and discuss our days. We have snippets of conversation.

The distance is difficult. Some days are worse than others. Today was a bad day. Coming on the heels of yet another holiday spent apart. I took things personally that were not meant as such. And I lashed out in my hurt.

What I do know is that I love this man more than anything. I want to be the best person I can be because of him. I know I fall short of that mark sometimes. And I pray that I don't scare him away when I have days like today.

R is for Relationships

I have many relationships in my life. Friendships, familial relationships, coworker relationships.  But I have only ever been in two romantic relationships.  Those two were 14 years apart.

I love all my different types of relationships.  My family are some of the most fun people to hang around with and there is always plenty of laughter when we do.  Hanging out with them reminds me from where I come and that I have a solid foundation to fall back on if ever I need to.  I am grateful for them and so happy to have all of them in my life.  My friendships are amazing. (See F is for Female Friendship) They keep me grounded and help me see my life more realistically than I tend to do and have saved me from going off the deep end many a time.  I am so lucky to know these women.  My coworker relationships are a bit more complex. I truly like some of my coworkers (some are even in my Female Friends category) and there are some I could do without. I do have respect for most of them, however. They are some of the smartest people I've ever met and they are doing pretty innovative things. My romantic life I will not talk about at the moment, but I will have more to say about it in a later post.  Let's just say things are looking up!

O is for Old-fashioned

I guess you could say I'm a bit of a contradiction.  I'm pretty liberal politically, I'm very open minded when it comes to a "live and let live" philosophy, and I'm into certain things sexually that a lot of people would shy away from. And along with all of that, I'm a tad old-fashioned.  I like mannered people (doors held open whether a male or female doing it for a male or female), I believe in monogamy, and I want to be courted and wooed.

I think society has gone in the wrong direction when it comes to social relationships. We are bombarded with sexual images and are led to believe that the norm should be at best hopping into a sexual relationship with someone almost immediately and at worst engaging in promiscuity.  I have always wanted to meet someone and get to know that person first before embarking on anything physical.  Time learning about who someone is and getting emotionally intimate first seems, to me, ideal.  Do I want passion and intensity? I do, but I want it built on a foundation of truly knowing someone and them truly knowing me. I want someone who is going to work with me through the tough times instead of discarding what may be considered by some as "broken" and not worth saving or trying to fix.

L is for Love

I posted a few weeks ago about things I love.  The list still holds true and there is much more I could have added.

Today I'm thinking more along the lines of romantic love.  The love you read about in books or see in movies.  Does it exist?  Or is most of that lust combined with some fondness?  I've always thought that I wanted to be with someone who was a friend first.  Someone who I had gotten to know over time and who I loved and appreciated in their entirety.  I know there are different schools of thought regarding this. I have a very good friend who says she has enough female friends and doesn't need her lover to be her friend as well.

From all I've read about relationships, it seems that the passion people have at the beginning of a relationship doesn't last.  There are certain hormones that are rampant during the "falling in love" stage of a relationship that just don't stick around.  About 18 months into a new relationship people think they've fallen out of love, but what they've really fallen out of is that hormonal rush of feeling.  Are those falling in love feelings awesome? Absolutely, but they're also not sustainable. So I guess for me it makes sense to be with someone you really like because the rest of the stuff is so ephemeral.

What have been your personal experiences with new relationships and how they've evolved?

A is for Adultery

I'm on a few dating websites. My profile on all of them states very clearly that if you're married or otherwise involved, don't bother contacting me.  I have had men either not read that portion of my profile or think that they're so amazing (or I'm so gullible) that they will be the ones to change my mind about that. I try to be as polite as possible. "No thank you. Good luck. Hope you find what you're looking for." However, most of the time I want to all-caps their asses and virtually yell "FIX YOUR SHIT OR GET OUT!!"

My most recent two encounters tried to garner some sympathy. "Things aren't good at home." "I haven't had sex in two years."  And that's my concern, HOW??  Sorry, boys. You get zero sympathy from me. None. Staying in a bad relationship is a choice. I'm not saying it's an easy one. But nevertheless it is a choice.  And as a point of full disclosure here, I confess to having had a past relationship with a married man.  It wasn't fun. It wasn't easy. It wasn't worth a few moments of seeing him to go through all the rest of it. Guilt. Hurt. Resentment.  And the biggest argument against it: you, as the "other woman" will never be first for him. You will never be his priority. You will never be the one he chooses. And if by some miracle he does get a divorce and decides to be with you, you are now involved with a man who doesn't try to fix what's wrong in a relationship, but instead seeks fulfillment elsewhere.

My conclusion: A no win situation if what you're searching for is a healthy, fulfilled, full-time relationship.