C is for Confidence

I'm trying to figure out where my confidence started to erode and how it got to the point where it seemed like I didn't have any. In trying to stretch my memory back as far as I can go, I truly don't remember ever feeling confident. At least not the sort of confidence and boldness most kids seem to have. That fearlessness that everything is going to be fine. Even as a kid I was always worried (convinced) something horrible was going to happen.

I knew growing up that I was smart. I got good grades without much effort, but oftentimes kids like that falter as they get older. As I did. When learning and getting good grades comes easy, one never really learns how to try and how to work past blocks or stumbles. Now, as an adult, when something doesn't come easily to me I struggle to work past it. I used to tell myself "Aha! I KNEW it! The easy grades and smartness when I was young was just a fluke." Now I know that I can't possibly know everything nor can I possibly be good at everything the first time I attempt it. It's taken me a while to learn that however. My first inclination when I don't "get" something right away is to play the "See? I knew you would suck at this" tape. But with the help of wonderful people around me, I've begun to learn to beat up on myself less. It still happens, but I can usually catch it right away and re-frame it.

I still wish for a magic wand to magically "fix" things and make me the bold, confident, brave, fearless person I want to be. I think it's me still expecting things to come to me easily, which is not really what this journey through life is about is it?

I found this Ted Talk a few weeks ago and have been implementing the strategies outlined in it. It's a longer video, but well worth the watch. Click. Bookmark. Watch at your leisure. Enjoy.

Fake it until you BECOME it.