I had one of those blow-to-the-gut moments a few weeks ago. I sent an email to someone I hadn't talked to in a while, but he had been heavy on my mind lately and when that happens for no particular reason, I think it's life trying to tell you something, so I sent the email. I got an email from my service provider telling me that it bounced back because my IP address has been blocked as spam. It hurt, I will admit. This is someone with whom I have had such amazing conversations and who was extremely integral in my personal growth these past three years. I'm upset that this person may be gone from my life forever. We had always had one of those correspondences where we could not email or chat for months, and then pick up right where we left off. I was hoping it would be the same this time.
When I make a connection with someone, it's difficult for me to end that connection. It doesn't happen often for me and those people who I've bared my soul to aren't easy to let go. The older I've gotten the more I realize endings are just part of life. Doesn't mean I have to like it.
I try to find some comfort in in being philosophical. "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."(Ahhh, the philosophy of Semisonic.) But there is still sadness; I am still mourning the loss of connection and friendship. Also, this isn't one of the most painful of endings. At least I can wish this person health and happiness and hope good things happen for him.
May your endings be few and as pain-free as possible.
Thank you for the good endings wish. As a 40+ it seems they come more often. People move, outgrow you, or vice-versa and you move on, a little confused and dismayed. Just had an expected ending of with a disgruntled colleague last week. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger... I hope.
ReplyDeleteScribblesFromJenn
Happy A to Z-ing!
I hear ya on this. I've had many people--long term friendship--who've just dropped our friendship. We became fast friends, but I pray to the Lord ask him for comfort and realize that I was able to be a part of her life at least for a while. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
A to Z co-host
I'm sorry to hear what happened, and empathise. Letting go can be so hard. And when it's a relationship as enriching as the one you describe, it just downright sucks... Hope what happened with the email was just some kind of technical glitch and that you'll get back in contact with your buddy... *hugs*
ReplyDeleteIsabella
D is for 'Donkeyskin'
I don't blame you for being hurt. My best friend from elementary to high school doesn't want to reconnect. There's nothing I can do about it.
ReplyDeleteI recently had to end a relationship myself. I realized that it was not a healthy relationship to be in and despite some good memories and a history, we were much different people than we were 20 years ago and it just wasn't working. I take the memories with me, mourn the loss, and recognize that it's what's best for me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! I look forward to more A to Z goodness.
I love this!! Endings are so incredibly hard. I struggle with letting go and saying goodbye; especially if I felt there was a true connection. I'm sorry you had to go through this loss. I wish you every kindness!!
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