Thursday, April 26, 2012

V is for Victory

I haven't quite gotten to the point where I can declare an all-out victory just yet, but I am winning many smaller battles.  In what, you may ask?  In letting go of my past and being able to enjoy my today. In realizing that things *can* work out and that I don't have to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.  In having fears come up and being able to let them go--not easily, old habits die hard--but eventually.

These victories may seem small, but for someone who has led a fear-based life, they're monumental for me.  I don't always do well in the battle, but it's getting a little bit easier each time.  Some days I am obsessed with the "what if", fear. Today happens to be one of those days.  I am working on a small victory of being able to release the fear (feelings are not facts) and trust that things will be okay. No matter what happens, *I* will be okay. 

Another thing I'm working on being victorious in: allowing myself to be open, vulnerable, and trusting with someone.  I am someone who can be scared spitless by the idea of being emotionally hurt by another human being, so for years and years I have kept myself closed off and behind a wall.  And it worked. I was able to avoid other people hurting me, but I was still hurting just the same.  A friend gave me an "aha" moment recently when she told me that trusting someone and possibly being hurt couldn't be any worse than how I was already torturing myself with fear and doubt.  So every day I am trying to move ahead toward victory over all of this. 

Positive thoughts regarding things working out and me eventually being 100% victorious VERY much appreciated.

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